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| I never get the sleep I need...if any. I'm always in pain. I am never in my right mind. I never feel alright. I never feel awake. When I do sleep, if you can call it that, it doesn't feel like I did at all. I'm always so stressed, I can never relax. I feel so pointless. Every one around me knows what they're doing with their lives. I have no fucking clue. I'm just getting further and further behind. Doing nothing with my life at all. Wondering what I should do...what I can do...what can I do? I'm not sure of any thing at all anymore. I don't trust any body any more. I cant relie on any one. I have no purpose...pointless...wortless...just flat out not good enough. I don't even deserve the people I do have. I miss so many people. I used to have friends...actual friends. I cant call any one that now. I cant trust them. I'm so tired of change. I wish every thing would just slow down so I could think again. I need sleep! I'm so tired! | | |
| Who whould have thought that I would be on probation! Who would thought that I would have gone to jail!! Who would have thought that I could still feel this bad!!! | | |
| New fucking shit. I am now dating the most absolutely all round beautiful girl. I graduated from high school, still working at my dead end job where I have been derespected for over a year now. I'm loosing more and more self control. I still feel like I'm going crazy. The only time I'm happy remotely is when I'm next to her, but alot of the shit that is bothering me deals with her. I never asked for any of this. I never wished to meet the actually girl in my dreams, not to be with with the one who deserves better. I can't take alot of this shit any more. If it wasn't for her, I would have already have been gone. i had plans to end it, but now she is my only waking reason to live. I want to be with her all the time, for the longest humanly time possible. I don't know what the fuck I am doing with my life any more...I don't want to do any thing but fucking end it all. Just mother fucking get rid of all the shit. The pain the sorrow, finally bring them to an end. Some times I wish I had not fail at the past attempts. Why the fuck do people have to fucking lie. Fucking kill them all. I hate mother fucking liars, especially those who are supposed to be the closest to you. Fucking shut the fuck up! I hate it all. i know it sounds so childish of me to talk and say these kind of things, but it's not like I don't just hate my life, I just hate life engeneral. I fucking hate! I just want to kill right now. I just want to walk up and down the streets tonight and shoot every mother fucker who steps in my mother fucking way. Take a fucking hatchet to your skull and a meat cleaver to your neck. I hate any mother fucker in exsistence. | | |
| What it is my bitchs? Not that any one is still out there in the xanga world any longer, but we'll assume you catch my drift. Man this site is dead, but I just can't seem to get rid of it. I know it sounds stupid, but it has alot of memories for me to just get rid of it. I had this site through some hard times, and have writen some pretty fucked up things on here. Things that had happened to me, a loved one, or horrible threats to myself and others. I have a hard time remembering those not so long ago years. My I dred them, but god do I miss them. Life was simpilar even if I was on the brink of suicide. So here I am today sitting in this same very spot I did five years ago when I made this site. Still just as much crap is happening a day, and I've done nothing. I've had a job here and there and have made a good amount of money...and for what?! So I can waste it. Life may never change and nor do I assume it will. So guess we all just have to suck it up and fucking do some thing we might enjoy. | | |
| Thought I had lost my xanga there for a second. It hasn't been allowing me to log on, but I was able to change my password and it works again. | | |
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